Midwife

Why I chose a midwife

Choosing a midwife is becoming more common, and there is a lot of noise around it, so here is the plain version from the inside: what I was offered, what I got, and what I would tell a friend who asked me the same question.

When people ask me why I chose a midwife, they sometimes expect a political answer. It is not one. I chose a midwife because of what I was offered at nine weeks pregnant, and because of how I was treated for the whole nine months afterwards.

The first thing is that it never crossed my mind to give birth in a hospital. I did not grow up assuming it, and nobody told me that it was the default. What put the idea in my head was one woman I met a few years before my daughter was born, who told me about her own home birth and told me to contact her midwife when I got pregnant, because of how well it had gone for her. I texted that midwife at nine weeks and I never looked back.

Someone who answers the questions

My first impression of her was how calm and how genuine she was about everything. She answered every question I asked about the physical and emotional changes of pregnancy, and not just the ones I thought were important. She helped me work out what kind of birth experience I wanted, and then she supported the decision I made — including on the days I was not sure about it.

She came to my home. She stayed for hours. She was the same calm person every single time she walked in, including the last time, at 9:43 in the evening with a baby on my chest and my life in a different shape. I have had a hospital birth in the sense that I have been on a hospital table, and what I remember is being processed. What I remember here is being known.

She was sincere and real the entire pregnancy, and I chose her again the following year for the second child. What a joy that was.

Less intervention than I expected

I want to be careful here, because this is where I see women being told things that are not quite true. When I asked about the outcomes that go with midwife-led care, this is the list I was given: less likely to need a caesarean, less induction, less augmentation, less anaesthetic, and fewer severe tears. I pass it on as it was given to me, from my midwife, and I have not gone through those studies myself.

What I can say from the inside is much simpler. Nobody rushed me. Nobody induced anything. I was examined when it was useful and not before, and I was never told that I was failing a test. After both births I had no stitches at all, and after the second one I had a serious complication that was handled quickly, which is a story of its own and one I have written about separately.

What it cost

Much less than a hospital birth would have, in the way that people ask about. My insurer covered it and I paid the difference. I do not know what a full private arrangement would have cost and I would not guess.

If you are thinking about it

Go and meet one. That is the whole of my advice. Do not read a list of statistics and decide; meet the person who would be in your house on the worst day of your life and see how she talks to you. Ask what happens if something goes wrong, and listen to the answer, because the woman who has a clear plan for transfer is the one you want in the room.

Then take your own advice about your body. I was allowed to feel what I felt at nine centimetres dilated, and nobody treated that as a symptom of a problem.

Choosing a midwife was one of the best decisions I have made, and I am thankful for midwives. I hope somebody finds this useful, and I hope it ends with them trusting whoever is holding their hand.