Family

Preparing your toddlers for a new sibling

A scavenger hunt, four clues written on paper in the car, a cake with pink in it, and two small children who had been praying for a sister since one of them was three. This is how I told them, and what I would do differently.

Carrying a new baby is such a precious time, especially when there are other children in the house. That was our situation: a four and a three year old. There are more ways to share the news than there are clever ones, and I found most of my ideas on a search engine and on Pinterest in the small hours. The thing that worked was not a party. It was letting the children be part of every single event of the pregnancy, and telling them early.

I know my children. I have a four and a three year old who are both extremely adventurous, so I planned a small scavenger hunt and had them open a gift relating to a new baby on the way. I am very open with my children about everything, so talking about babies long before there was one was already how we spoke.

Karis and Hezekiah have always been fascinated by babies. They stared at them wherever we went, with such endearment. Karis started asking for a baby sister when she was about three, and Hezekiah followed in her footsteps. Karis and I talked about babies the whole way to everywhere we drove, and she would blurt out that she was praying for one. Hearing those words warmed my heart and made me want another baby too, even though I knew God would give us one when it was the right time.

Finding out I was pregnant

I found out in August 2022, and immediately started planning how to tell the children. My excitement grew every day. After my midwife appointment in September, at ten weeks along, I decided how I was going to say it.

What is so special about our midwife is that she delivered both Karis and Hezekiah. Having another one on the way for her to help deliver is a beautiful thing I will never forget.

Before I had told the children anything, Karis announced that I had a baby in my belly and that my belly was getting bigger. I said very little other than: keep praying for a baby sibling.

Last minute prep

I planned the day I would share the news around the children's first midwife appointment, since they had not seen our midwife since Hezekiah was a newborn. I bought a few things for the hunt from the dollar store: ring pops, three rubber duck bath toys, a teething ring, baby spoons and gummy bears. Then, sitting in the car, I wrote short sentences on four pieces of paper, one clue each, and hid them for the game.

Early in October I ordered a pregnancy sign, and we drove to a park and took pictures of the children without telling them anything yet. They just looked cute and smiled the whole time. Then we had lunch, and drove to a park nearer home for the game. My anticipation grew with every step I took, hiding the clues.

The news is out

One clue at a time, all four of them, until the game was done. There was a gift waiting for each of them in a gift bag when we finished. Hezekiah’s reaction was priceless: he threw the book up in the air. His eyes were glued to the gummy bears, and I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.

Karis looked quietly at the book we had bought her. My husband and I decided to read one of the books straight away and recorded the time, reading about a baby in my belly. Within twenty minutes of reading and asking them a few questions, we told them that another baby was on the way, and that God had answered Karis’ prayers. Her reaction was so sweet, and they were both thrilled.

“If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do [it].” John 14:14

That verse has stayed close to Karis’s heart all this time, and she still tells people she prayed for her sister.

A gender reveal

Once the news was out and friends and family knew, I planned a small gender reveal to surprise my husband and the two of them. The children came with us to a midwife appointment and were in love with their new baby sibling — our midwife has a small ultrasound machine in her house, and they got to see the baby. They were in awe.

Then the cake. Decorations from the dollar store and a cake with the colour in the middle. All three of them enjoy eating cake, and the look on their faces when the slice came out pink was priceless.

Talking to them about a baby

Karis, Hezekiah and I are close enough that this part was easy. All through the pregnancy I showed them pictures of when they were babies and told them this is what your sister will look like. I let them talk to the baby and put their hands on my belly to feel her kick. They love her.

This is my third home birth, so we have been watching birth videos together and talking about where babies come out of, in the same way we would talk about anything else they were curious about. Be transparent with your children. Answer the questions they actually ask. The more you say, the better the relationship gets — and the less you leave for them to work out on their own, alone, in the dark, at three in the morning.

If I were doing it again, I would tell them sooner. Not because three and four year olds need managing, but because they had been part of the conversation for two years already and pretending otherwise only made the reveal smaller than it could have been.